Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Quirk number one: I find comfort in strange things
A while ago my girlfriend tagged me to describe six of my quirks. Because I am so stinking long-winded ( guess that could be one of my quirks), I decided each quirk gets its own post. So I will begin today, with quirk number one: I find weird ways to calm the intense flavors or my emotions.
It all began with a rectangular pink eraser on which my mother drew a heart. "Take this to school with you and squeeze it when you start to miss me," she said when she first presented it to me. I went to my first day of second grade and stuck the eraser front and center in my desk. I knew I would need it, judging by my first grade experience.
It must have been a combination of both my love of my mom and my fear of quite possibly the scariest first grade teacher alive that brought tears to my eyes EVERY SINGLE DAY of my first grade school year. I don't think my teacher knew what to do with me when she sent me to the naughty chair in the corner of the room every time I started to cry. This, of course, only brought on more sobs. I imagine I just didn't know how to survive an entire school day without my mommy yet.
So, armed with the pink eraser, I was able to get through my second grade (despite being the only kid in the class to never pass off her number three times table). The only time I remember crying in school that year was when I peed my pants while sitting at my desk.
I have no idea what happened to that eraser, but I moved on to other forms of comfort. During intense situations (exams in school, expired deadlines at work) throughout the years I have caught myself wrapping my right hand over my clenched left hand, placing the insides of my right fingers over the spaces between my left fingers. Then I switch hands. Try it. My fingers mold together perfectly and the soft undersides of my hands warms the outsides of my fingers. Recently I have pondered why I do this and I have come to the conclusion that this soothes me in some strange way. It's almost like giving my hands this cozy break calms my distressed mind.
As a stay-at-home mom of one harmless kid, I feel less stress right now than I have ever felt in my life. I am happy a lot, but I often also feel exhausted, burnt out and emotionally and mentally drained. Let's just say that as the world watched in shock, I wasn't surprised at all that Britney Spears, mother of TWO harmless kids, buzzed her own hair off. I'm trying to grow my locks out so instead of resorting to that solution, I turn to graham crackers, whole milk and America's Funniest Home Videos at 5 p.m. every day. The treat reminds me of my days in kindergarten at Wellsville Elementary and the show makes me laugh so hard I start to cry. And though I miss her dearly, at least those tears are not for my mommy.